Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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