What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
