u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize