Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
