During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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