before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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