I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
