So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
