that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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