Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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