The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
