My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
