Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
