Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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