I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
