well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Houston, we have a blender
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
