I accidentally had phone sex last night
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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