i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
