You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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