My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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