saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
