It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
