dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
