the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
