Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
