Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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