some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
