The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
