watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
