Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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