He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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