Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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