I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
