I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
