Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
