i need an iv and a liver transplant
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
