I just cut my nipple shaving
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
