Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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