just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
