In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
