I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
