I wish i was in the wii world.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
