Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need to calm my uterus...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
