Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
