I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
