I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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