Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish you could order shots online.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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