the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
