i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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