If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
