apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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