i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
