I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize