nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
