saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
God, I missed his penis.
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