when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
