dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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