yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
