Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
