guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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