Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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