yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
