I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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