OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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