I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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