TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
