I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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