I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
