you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
