There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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