im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
