Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
