hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
