Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize