apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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