I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
