Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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