Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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