Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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