Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
