So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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