she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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