I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize