She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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