Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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