omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
