Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
