did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize