we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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