I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
