Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
