i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So much rum. So many feels.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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