Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
