Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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