i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
