Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
