he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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