id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize