come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
