I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
