i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
