It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
