Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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