Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
