that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
