first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
