I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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