ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
