I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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