And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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