two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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