I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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