I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize