So drunk its hurt
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
