On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize