he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's blow job season.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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